This sound familiar Mike?
Anyone who has ever tried to give a cat a pill can relate to this one .
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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm like as if you were holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore the low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep the shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set off to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close the door onto cat's neck, leave head showing. Force mouth open with a desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on the hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the freakin' cat from the tree across the road. Apologize to the neighbor who crashed into the fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take the last pill from the foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little x&*@#!'s front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to the leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it! Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to
wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
15) Arrange for Humane Society to come pick up the mutant cat from hell and call the local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1) Wrap the pill in bacon.
2) Feed to dog.
