01-17-2006, 01:50 AM
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go,
>assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd., otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga.
>
>Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and
>buy a new one. If in Naperville, and your map is one day old, then it
is
>already obsolete.
>
>Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
>
>Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
>
>There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We
>all drive like that.
>
>All directions start with, "I-94" .. which has no beginning and no
end.
>
>The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2
>to 8.
>
>Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
>out and possibly shot.
>
>When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when
the
>light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers
>running the red light in cross-traffic.
>
>Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent
form
>of entertainment.
>
>We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and
the
>I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to
either
>Elgin or O'Hare).
>
>All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,"Oh, we're in
>Cicero!"
>
>If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
>defect.
>
>Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
>
>All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks or Caddys have the right of
way.
>Period.
>
>First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as
you
>cross intersections (only a few of many examples) *I! f asking
directions
>in Cicero you must speak Spanish
>
>If you stop to ask directions on the West side you'd better be armed.
>
>A trip across town (East to West) will take a minimum of four hours.
>
>Although many expressways (they are not freeways), have posted speed
>limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85.
>Anything less...get the hell out of the left lane.
>
>The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not
>ornamental.
>
>The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.
>
>If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago".
>
>If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley
or
>Comiskey
>
>If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the
>second round.
>
>If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot."
>
>Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees,
>parking tickets, etc.
>
>If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard,
>run......Chicago, there's no place like it!
>
>You might be from Chicago if....
>* You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.
>* You become irate at people who do &! nbsp;
>* You measure distance in minutes. (SO?)
>* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines".
>* Your school classes were cancelled because of the cold.
>* Your school classes were cancelled because of the heat.
>* You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
>day.
>* Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!)
>* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
>(Exampl e: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I
>wanna go with,"
>* You can locate ! Illinois on the United States map.
>* You carry jumper cables in your car.
! >* "Y ou drink "pop". (Exactly)
>* You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all
>different roads.
>* You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway".
>* You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy,
>Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, Reagan, Bishop Ford.
>* You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"
>and anything west of Rt. 47 Iowa.
>* You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
>* You refer to Chicago as "The City."
>* No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downton"
>you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.
>* You buy "The Trib."
>* You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are
>permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.
>* You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
>* You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
>* You understand what "lake-effect" means.
>* You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know
>which station they end up at (oops ...ending preposition again).
>* You have ridden the "L."
>* You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,
>630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.
>* You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpets.
>assuming you live north of Roosevelt Rd., otherwise it's Chi-ca-ga.
>
>Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and
>buy a new one. If in Naperville, and your map is one day old, then it
is
>already obsolete.
>
>Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
>
>Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
>
>There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We
>all drive like that.
>
>All directions start with, "I-94" .. which has no beginning and no
end.
>
>The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2
>to 8.
>
>Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
>out and possibly shot.
>
>When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when
the
>light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers
>running the red light in cross-traffic.
>
>Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent
form
>of entertainment.
>
>We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and
the
>I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to
either
>Elgin or O'Hare).
>
>All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,"Oh, we're in
>Cicero!"
>
>If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
>defect.
>
>Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
>
>All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks or Caddys have the right of
way.
>Period.
>
>First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as
you
>cross intersections (only a few of many examples) *I! f asking
directions
>in Cicero you must speak Spanish
>
>If you stop to ask directions on the West side you'd better be armed.
>
>A trip across town (East to West) will take a minimum of four hours.
>
>Although many expressways (they are not freeways), have posted speed
>limits of 55, the minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85.
>Anything less...get the hell out of the left lane.
>
>The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not
>ornamental.
>
>The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.
>
>If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago".
>
>If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley
or
>Comiskey
>
>If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the
>second round.
>
>If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot."
>
>Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees,
>parking tickets, etc.
>
>If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard,
>run......Chicago, there's no place like it!
>
>You might be from Chicago if....
>* You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.
>* You become irate at people who do &! nbsp;
>* You measure distance in minutes. (SO?)
>* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines".
>* Your school classes were cancelled because of the cold.
>* Your school classes were cancelled because of the heat.
>* You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
>day.
>* Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!)
>* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
>(Exampl e: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I
>wanna go with,"
>* You can locate ! Illinois on the United States map.
>* You carry jumper cables in your car.
! >* "Y ou drink "pop". (Exactly)
>* You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all
>different roads.
>* You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway".
>* You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy,
>Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, Reagan, Bishop Ford.
>* You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"
>and anything west of Rt. 47 Iowa.
>* You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
>* You refer to Chicago as "The City."
>* No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downton"
>you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.
>* You buy "The Trib."
>* You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are
>permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.
>* You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
>* You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
>* You understand what "lake-effect" means.
>* You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know
>which station they end up at (oops ...ending preposition again).
>* You have ridden the "L."
>* You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,
>630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.
>* You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpets.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PAIN; THE INK AND THE JEWELRY ARE JUST SOUVENIERS
![[Image: mich1iy1.jpg]](http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/9408/mich1iy1.jpg)
